This has not been one of my best weeks.
Yesterday the fatigue hit hard  and I got very down with it, having the most tears to date. Sleepless nights again aren't helping either so had to resort to some GP medication.
Speaking to a friend who popped round who is also a GP, realised that I am probably at the hardest part now; not quite near enough to the end, but far enough in for my body to be feeling the biggest cumulative effect of treatment so far. After my fifth cycle and scan next week, at least the end will be truly in sight.
My body feels old and tired and when I look in the mirror without my wig, I look like an old mad professor and wonder if I will ever look "young" again! Having said that, I was complimented on my new hairdo in Waitrose by the mum of a child I treat who didn't know I was off sick or that I was wearing a wig! I did confess however, but it still made me feel better about myself and got off he self-pity bandwagon.

Thankfully today I felt good enough to go to the Yoga Class in Wymonham, but my muscles are tightening fast from lack of exercise, so stretches that are normally easy are becoming more difficult.

Talking of muscles,I was  treated to a late lunch out  with my special man, in an effort to cheer me up . A nice surprise was that mussels were on the menu; One bowl of mussels in creamy sauce and delicious bread later, I am feeling much more upbeat. Good food is definitely an important part of my journey as well as good people around me. Maybe the mussels will activate my muscles into working a bit more easily. I certainly look forward to starting a proper exercise regime as soon as possible before I turn into a total jellyfish!

After a rainy day indoors yesterday when I felt completely spaced out, I was glad to wake up today to sunshine and a clearer head. My plans for swimming yesterday had to be put on hold yet again due to not having the energy to go.
Today however, I managed a few household chores, then sat down to tea and home-made cup cakes with a friend who had cycled 40 minutes to see me, cakes still intact!

Washing drying on the line outside, a walk around the block in the sunshine and a few more episodes of West Wing made it a much more enjoyable day today.
How much better a day feels when the sun is shining:)

Byfords at Holt featured twice this weekend! Some of you may be forgiven for thinking that this blog is more about food at times than a journey, but hey, you need fuel for the way and what better place to refuel than Byfords!

I spent a lovely day with a friend on Friday that led to a late lunch at Byfords together with my special man before spending the weekend in North Norfolk with him and his son. I developed my skills further on Saturday by helping lay out some track for a garden railway in  preparation for the building of this exciting project!! I hasten to add that I will not be building it, neither will I be the Fat Controller, but may enthuse occasionally over the little puffers to keep him happy! Especially if it means I get treated to brunch at Byfords where Eggs Florentine on Smoked Salmon is an especially delicious feast!

Today we ventured out for a late season trip on the Norfolk Broads, boarding the Southern Comfort Steamer at Horning and sailing to Ranworth Broad and back. This was the trip that we shied out of last week and the option of a shorter, less crowded journey today was definitely preferable. We just about avoided the rain and the hour and a half was long enough not to get too tired.

With daughter no.1 back from Florida, I am having a quiet moment before the house fills with chatter of young voices and a tea together to catch up on her exciting holiday. On the downside, it is the evening that the injections start again, so subcutaneous catheter insertion will feature at some point in the evening, but Downton Abbey to look forward to as the perfect end to the day!

Volcanic matters

So lovely to have the opportunity to catch up properly with friendships.

My "old" friend of student days has just left and we have had four great days together,despite the grotty bits of hospitals, drips and drugs. The fatigue allowed us to have some quality time still, even including a trip to the local garden centre for lunch yesterday and a little browse.
Being Delia's no.2, she cooked up a wonderful tea for us all last night as well as other little treats along the way! I will miss her now though............she returns in two weeks for the next cycle!
She also discovered the Blog that I started in 2009 when I was writing poetry through some difficult times. One in particular has encouraged me by reading it again today.
The difficulties have changed, but  the message remains the same, so I will share it on this Blog.
I wrote it while in Tenerife with my friend, her daughter and my youngest daughter in 2009 as I was looking at the volcanic outline against the skyline when a rainbow appeared.

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Volcanic matters

A harsh outline of black volcanic rock

Forms a silhouette against the blue sky

Majestic, rugged, dark and oppressive

No life form settles on this barren land;

It is bleak, it is like a black giant,

Yet all around it lies an open, vast expanse

Of rippling water, an ever changing scene

Teeming with life and movement as the waves

Lap the shore gently,and soften the harshness

Of the rock: where the two meet, life prevails.

Molluscs cling and seaweed gathers adding

A new dimension to the lifeless form.



The eye is drawn from the black to the blue

Glistening, and as far as can be seen

there is beauty and life abundant, there is hope,

A new horizon gives endless oppertunity

Allows vitality to lead the day.

Beyond the surface of the deep lies treasure

In a land not yet explored, but waiting...


Have courage, do not fear, it is all there,

Step out of the boat, for you will not sink,

The waves will hold and protect your body

From harm against the hardness of the rock.

The current will pull you away from the shore

But even though the water gets rougher,

You will reach a place of calm and restoration.



Eventually...a new day beckons

as a rainbow appears, with its promise

You will never again be forsaken

Three years on from writing this, I have reached that place of calm and restoration and been through the waters getting rougher. And being reminded also today of Psalm 23; He has restored my soul

Cycle four started; two more to go......

The arrival of best Brummie friend yesterday was a great way to start cycle four. She is staying til Thursday for carer and household duties, with tips on making some jams and chutneys for Christmas. We might do some on her return visit for my next cycle.  Don't think I'm up to the foraging bit though;a visit to the supermarket for fruit might be more on my level.

Early start today to the hospital for my cocktail treat; got my end of the room position, best advantage point for people watching!
The Jenny Lind physios paid me a visit with my latte coffee but got told off for both being there by Nurse Jobsworth, who then relented for them to drink their coffee; all they were there for their coffee break and my nominated carer had left the room anyway!
WE were finished by 11.30 so paid a quick visit to Waitrose where she treated me some delicious salads bar and a savoury pesto and goats cheese cheesecake! A relaxing lunch at home before we went back to the hospital for my Look Good Feel Better session.
This was fab; led by beauty therapists, 10 ladies were taken step by step through a full skincare and make-up routine including eye-brow restoration!
The best part was that all the products were for me to take home, including Lancome cleanser and toner and moisturizer and Prada perfume!
I came home and crashed for two hours before tea when Chief Nurse came for tea with her Beetroot and Caramelized Onion Tart with salad.

Now chilling time and early night......good night :)

A lovely weekend of feeling good again, before cycle 4 starts on Tuesday.

I made it to the cinema on Saturday afternoon to see The Sweeney; not reliving my youth, but broadening my horizons! I not afraid to say that I was not disappointed, but gripped to the edge of my seat, even if it was a VIP one the reclining facility was lost on me at times! Followed by a drink in the Lamb Inn courtyard in the late afternoon sunshine. Then there was a little bit of energy left still for some retail therapy and my daughter persuaded me to buy a "onesy" for lounging around in at home. NO, I didn't know what one was either until she purchased her "cow" version. It is basically an adult sized fleecy romper suit, as Flo Nightgown kindly told the world on the Facebook picture that was published of me wearing it! I have a leopard version as I decided that the cow or the bear with a bear hood was really not me!

Today we ventured out to Wroxham, planning to go on a trip on the Paddle-Steamer from Horning as a special trip for cancer sufferers. A little bit of people watching from the car park revealed that the average age of travellers appeared to be around 75, with walking sticks or zimmer frames and no evidence of others like me sporting a fashionable headscarf in the throws of treatment. Maybe you qualified if you had had cancer in the last 20-30 years, who knows? We just decided that three hours on board may not be the best way to spend Sunday afternoon and went to Wroxham Barns instead! Sadly that coincided with a geriatric day trip out with a coachload of navy fleece clubbers and we still felt like the youngest around, apart from the kids with the goats!
However, all was not lost as I managed to buy a beautiful coloured glass dragonfly wind-chime to hang in front of my French doors in the lounge; that made me very happy!
To conclude the day, Downton Abbey began its new series and I managed to get my hardened Dallas man to become addicted to the series and not be able to leave for home until he had seen the whole episode; result!

Tomorrow brings the arrival of me best mad, foraging friend to look after me until Thursday. A great time to catch up together and who knows, even a little foraging or jam making may be on the agenda if energy levels permit. Not a force to be reckoned with, she will admit no visitors without a visitors pass, so be warned any spontaneous visitors!

Friday was finally a better day of the week: it started with a visit from a friend armed with  Lemon Drizzle cake, Pecan flapjacks, a beautiful bouquet of flowers and the offer of doing my ironing or any other jobs needed; what an example of friendship, again makes me feel humbled by such special friends.
I was able to able to go for my wonderful massage session at Star Throwers in Wymondham. One full body massage later, my body starts to feel like my own again instead of an alien invasion. A real privilege to have such a treat provided by this wonderful charity; a great fundraising opportunity for anybody wanting a worthwhile charity to support.

A final visit from mum and dad before they desert me to fly off to the Azores! They have left me with their itinerary, not sure that I want to read it really! I hope that they have a good time though as dad comes home to having his Total Hip Replacement and six weeks of convalescence with no driving; that will make two patients in the family for a while; a willing scrabble partner maybe?!

The evening was spent with daughter and boyfriend and my special man cooking up a Mexican feast followed by cake! Can life get better than this? Yes, I could be flying to the Azores as well!
Looking forward to a trip to the cinema today though.as my realistic goal!

My day started yesterday with a delivery of Thai fishcakes in a Peppa Pig lunch bag on my doorstep!
They were only 12 hours late, due to a misunderstanding of preparation time and failure to gain space in the shared kitchen to cook! A friend has made a special Delia effort to make me some lovely meals to save me cooking at times; Despite the minor delivery delay, I still really appreciate the efforts some people are going to, to make my life easier at the moment.

I had a GP appointment which meant that I don't have to take the rest of my antibiotics, thank goodness. Four 500mg per day with five Acyclovir tablets was making me feel like a medicine chest amongst other things. The infection has cleared completely so four drug-free days ahead!
I also managed to get Corsodyl mouthwash on repeat prescription, which is necessary to keep mouth ulcers and infections at bay. At £5 a bottle it doesn't come cheap, so another money saver that will help the budget.

Following my appointment, a friend who I have not seen properly for at least 10 years visited and we had a coffee out together to catch up on the missed years. It was one of those times when you just pick up where you left off before and lovely to make contact again. The children who were in primary school then are now at university and all grown up! Don't think we have so much grown up as matured  in the last 10 years!
Another positive of this journey, to be reunited with friends that may not have happened otherwise.

The afternoon was spent with mum at our Relaxation Class at the Big C Centre, not quite as good as usual as someone different was leading it. As Team Groundforce have been a bit preoccupied recently, dad trimmed the hedged at the front of the house while we were there.
Needless to say, I was pretty exhausted at the end of the day with all the activity! It was nice to have a quiet evening of cuddles and TV, but managed to escape Dallas with a well-timed bath!

Cloudy day blues yesterday, with absolutely no energy to do anything, but today feels slightly brighter.
The good news is that the infection seems to have cleared up, so no complications there.

 I think that everyone getting back into the school/work routine of life added to it as I cannot get back to my normal routine for a while yet.
You don't realise how dependent you become on routines even if at times they are frustrating. Now I am liberated from any routine and it feels weird! I have a blank canvas each day to use entirely as I wish although its restricted by energy levels. This morning I have managed to hoover downstairs, empty the dishwasher and that's likely to be the limit of my achievements today: Bring back  my Domestic Goddess!!

This was a verse posted on my Facebook wall when I started treatment:

Most of the battles of life are won by looking beyond the clouds to the sun, and having the patience to wait for the day when the sun comes out and the clouds float away.

 

Yesterday I posted it on my status as a cloudy day and this is the response posted from the same person:

 

  ‎"The rainbow is God's promise for you and me, And though the clouds hang heavy and the sun we can not see, We know above the dark clouds that fill the stormy sky Hope's rainbow WILL come shinning through when the clouds have drifted by"

 

Its comments like this from friends that keep you going on the bad days, and reminds me of God's promise of hope through the rainbow.

 

Difficult weekend; developed a cold sore infection around my nose which had the potential to spread rapidly and was not responding to the usual Acyclovir cream, therefore a visit to the out-of-hours GP was necessary on Saturday morning.
I was prescribed Acyclovir tablets which have had an  immediate effect on the infection, but also antibiotics to prevent a secondary infection developing. The antibiotics have made me feel really rough, which is disappointing as this should be my better week ahead after chemo. However, I'm thankful it did not lead to a hospital admission.
My third subcutaneous catheter has been inserted by Sister for my five days of injections too .

It has been a quite week-end therefore, but with a few hours spent in Thetford Forest today for a shady picnic. We found a particularly beautiful spot in  a walled garden which was full of butterflies and dragonflies and even a Robin to watch as we lay in the peaceful surroundings. On such a beautiful sunny day I was unable to do much, but the wildlife visited me instead; as if it knew!

I think it will be a quiet week ahead to get over this properly: Kindle at the ready!

Nutritional benefits and Aloe Vera: God's natural healing remedy

I have been learning about the benefits particularly of Aloe Vera Gel in the treatment and recovery of lymphoma from a contact who has been through it himself. The healing properties of the Aloe Vera showed no scarring at all on his scan which is normally seen following treatment. As it is a natural product there are no harmful effects so I have begun on the Aloe Vera journey! It tastes disgusting though, so needs to be taken with fruit juice.

 There are six references in the Bible of Aloe Vera:
1. “And they took the body of Jesus and wound it in linen clothes with the spices and aloes as the manner of the Jews is to bury.”
John 19:39-40
2. “As the valleys are they spread forth, as gardens by the river’s side, as the trees of aloes which the Lord hath planted, [and] as cedar trees beside the waters.”
Numbers 24:6
3. “All thy garments [smell] of myrrh, and aloes [and] cassia, out of the ivory palaces, whereby they have made thee glad.”
Psalms 45:8
4. “I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.”
Proverbs 7:17
5. “Spikenard and saffron; calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense; myrrh and aloes, with all the chief spices.”
Song of Solomon 4:14
6. “And there came also Nicodemus, which at the first came to Jesus by night, and brought a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about an hundred pound [weight].”
John 19:39

I was treated to a lovely lunch yesterday by a friend who took me to a vegetarian restaurant locally. I had a delicious grilled Halloumi salad and discovered that they prepare meals for the freezer very reasonably priced.
With what I am learning about my dietary needs to assist recovery of my immune system, this place will be great for some stand-by meals.

This is an example of post-chemotherapy diet;

A Structured Post-treatment Nutritional Program
Often there is a feeling of "let-down" after traditional chemotherapy regimens are over and you are in the "wait and see" period. This is when nutrition can be particularly valuable. It helps you to replenish lost nutrient stores as well as to feel more participatory in your recovery process. Here are some of the key factors that I use when designing individualized programs for people:

• 21 days of a predominantly vegetarian diet with supplements to induce liver detoxification enzyme systems, e.g. milk thistle (silymarin) and cysteine (or N-acetyl cysteine).
• 5 or more servings of fresh fruits daily.
• 5 or more servings of fresh vegetables daily.
• addition of at least 3 servings of fish per week (salmon, etc.)
• gradual incorporation of at least 5 servings of beans per week.
• addition of digestive enzymes daily.
• addition of yogurt or other probiotic food/supplement daily
• addition of 1-2 tablespoons of nuts daily (for magnesium and omega-3 fatty acids).

Fortunately I love fish and enjoy vegetarian foods; maybe I will end up as a Pescatarian as part of my journey!
I will be consulting a Nutritionist for an evidence-based nutritional programme to give myself the best diet possible. Lets hope it doesn't leave too much of a windy trail in it's wake!

I have had some great news today from my Accountant; I have a substantial tax refund due which means the payment I suspended for July this year will be significantly less when due in November. Another example of God taking care of my finances during this time. I have never had a tax refund before, so what timing!

Sad to say good-bye to Flo Nightgown today who arrived last Sunday to look after me through this week with the girls away. We have had a special time together and she has been an amazing help in the house with it sparkling now from top to bottom!
On a happy note, daughter no. 2 has returned home looking very bronzed! Its great to have the "buzz" in the house with her back, even if the house does not stay quite so tidy!
This time during my illness has been a time to spend time together with family and friends in a way that doesn't usually happen and value each other more. Its easy to take for granted the special people in your life and a changing life event shows how much you mean to each other.
I am really thankful for the people in my life who love and support me so much through this time.Relationships are being strengthened and deepened in a way that may not have happened without this Journey.

I am feeling better with this cycle of treatment and managed to drive my car for the first time yesterday to my Yoga class. I still find that I tire easily and quickly, needing to rest but able to pace myself better to do a bit more.

Finally got wig sorted; my new look and beautiful flowers which arrived today from work.

Half way mark!
Yesterday I started my third cycle, and all went very well again at the hospital. I definitely had the short straw though as the rest of the family were at the Paralympics......again! My cousin and his girlfriend went in my place though, so glad that they had the opportunity. I was back home by 1200 and well looked after in my own home.
I had a lovely day before it with lunch out with my bessie mate from schooldays and Flo Nightgown arriving for carer duties and we both went to Heth the Rev's house for a meal and fellowship time with some special people on Roundhouse Park. We shared Communion together around the table after the chilli and before the delicious cupcake pudding! It was particularly special as I have not been able to get to church since I started treatment.  It was also exciting to be part of what God is doing on this new estate, with exciting times ahead to share God's love with the community.

As I lay in bed now I can hear my hoovering being done; how good is that? It is a beautiful sunny day, so hoping to get out for coffee and buy a few vegetables from the Farm Shop.
Eldest daughter flies to Florida today and crosses path with middle daughter flying back from Rhodes. It will be lovely to see her again as I have missed our morning cups of tea together in bed. Think the house might be cleaner in her absence though!

Snakes and ladders.
I have had three wonderful days of relative normality. I have decided that I feels like I'm playing a game of snakes and ladders at times; I move along the board, up a ladder or two to the next level, then land on a snake which takes me back down again.  At the moment I am at the top of a ladder further along the board than I have been. Unfortunately I know that Tuesday will take me back down a snake again, but I think I'm finding the ladders more easily.I am moving further up the board with each treatment cycle.

I spent a day in Thorpeness and a day in Southwold with my lovely man. No more chocolates, but a bottle of champagne made the week-end extra bubbly! We even treated ourselves to double scoop ice-cream on Southwold Peir; Clotted cream with vanilla seed ice-cream and dark chocolate and stem ginger.........heavenly!
The week-end was made complete by him cooking a wonderful roast beef dinner for the family today, including Flo Nightingown who has arrived to take over carer duties while two daughters disappear on their holidays; how inconsiderate of them! One in Rhodes and one about to go to Florida, I will have to settle for Suffolk for a while as going abroad I think!

I was disappointed not to get to the Paralympics as the family went on Saturday and we have tickets for Tuesday and Friday also. I admire all the athletes so much for their courage and determination to make the most of their lives and reach their full potential. I think sometimes as able-bodied people we take for granted our abilities and do not achieve our full potential. Taking a step back from life changes your perspective, and I hope that I will achieve my full potential as result of having to step off the treadmill for a while.
Somehow even small achievements each day become hugely satisfying and the simple things in life become more enjoyable when your ability is restricted. I am starting to understand better the massive achievements of some of the children I treat.