Over half-way now!

I have had 8 out of 15 radiotherapy sessions. Starting to feel a mild discomfort in my chest which I understand to be down to inflammation, however eating and drinking fine!
I am getting very tired again, especially in the late afternoon and evening, but am able to do much more generally. My walks may not happen as often as I'd hoped as my legs seem to tire very easily still if I am tired overall.

I met with my "favourite" consultant again  today who seemed to have a bit more of an approachable manner today. We discussed how the effects of the radiotherapy continue to work for quite a long time after it finishes. This means that it stops and rapid multiplying of any suspicious cells in the areas having been treated, which reduces the risk of reoccurrence. So although the "tumour" sites may not have gone back to normal size by the end of my radiotherapy, the effects to reduce them will be ongoing. This was completely different to what I understood her to have said last time. I'm still not sure when I will be declared as "in remission" as she thinks it unlikely that I will have a further scan within 3 months of completing radiotherapy because of the longer lasting effects.
Well at least she did not reduce me to tears today and I have a better understanding of the radiotherapy. Obviously the long-term effects will not be evident until a much later stage.
My skin is still looking good, only a very mild pinkness over the area and it does not feel sore at all. It is a relief to get my bra off by late afternoon though!!

Came home to have a routine boiler service this afternoon which revealed problems with my Heat Exchanger that have been caused through Kier making another blunder by leaving the Filling Loop completely open; not really sure what that is, but fortunately I have cover on my boiler policy to have the Heat Exchanger replaced. Sooner or later I would have had water gushing out of the front of the boiler in the kitchen!
The cupboard placed over the boiler did not allow for the front cover to be removed, so had to be dismantled; Phonecall to Kier to report the problem and await repair generated the usual apathy at the Customer Care end, or Customer No Care as they should be called!
I am very grateful to the engineer here still after 2 hours for extending his 20 minute service appointment to repairing the system before it broke down on me!

I would advise anyone think of buying a new home NOT to purchase a Kier home due to the amount of blunders they have made here.
 All that coupled with ongoing issues with the sale of the Thorpe house has led to stress levels starting to increase again, so I have to put my Relaxation Techniques to good use so as not to allow the stressful matters to get to me but to let go of them. A good solicitor always help too, who reluctantly I have had to turn to again otherwise that house will never be sold. I think that 2 years  is more than long enough to have waited for resolution of the "temporary" financial commitment that I had to make, especially now that my working capacity for the immediate future is uncertain.

Finishing on a positive note, I am thankful that I am getting through the Radiotherapy without too much discomfort and I have a warm house still in which to recover!
Thanks be to God for that.

6 out of 15 radiotherapy sessions done and feeling fine at the moment.

Yesterday was my youngest daughter's birthday and she was 17!! I can clearly remember her first Christmas when only one month old she slept in her Moses basket all day behind the settee in my parents house; I had to wake her to feed her in the chaos of presents and a 2 year and 5 year old sister!
I don't have to wake her to feed her anymore but I still have to wake her sometimes!
We had a lovely quiet evening at home with family and Coronation Chicken as requested.

I did my first Walk for Health yesterday, walking around Sloughbottom Park and a part of Marriots Way. It was only 2.5 miles, but an achievement for me and I totaled 7200 steps that day. My legs are very tired at the end of it and  by evening quite achy, but I feel like I'm getting stronger gradually.
As my radiotherapy is booked in the mornings mostly, I cant do another walk until the week after next, but then hope to do two a week.

Today it is raining heavily again so I think it will be a preserve making day. I am now starting to enjoy having some time at home to do things I would not normally have time to do as I recover and return to normal life.

Preserve making begun; Bramley apple and mint chutney produced today.

Session 3 radiotherapy went without any hitches and no side-effects yet either.
I had an appointment afterwards with my Radiotherapy Consultant. This is the lady who has carefully spelt out the possibility of the long-term side-effects to me on two precious occasions, only to be reinforced again today. She is the only person who after seeing her I come away feeling more anxious and down about the whole illness. She is a German lady and just says it as it is without softening the blow; I find this difficult to deal with although I know that she only doing her job as she has to and has spent a lot of time carefully planning my treatment down to the last millimtetre.
It seems that the "footprint" area of radiation does extend to my heart and covers an area of lung. These are the areas of concern for the future.
For those of you that believe in prayer, please pray for protection for my heart and lungs as well as the radiation treating what is left of the enlarged lymph nodes. Although the cancer has been reported to be inactive, these areas need to be shrunk completely back to normal size to be in remission. I understand that there are three areas; one in the left side of my neck where the original lump was, the largest one in the middle of my chest cavity and one right next to my heart.
I am struggling at the moment with the emotional side of it and how it may affect my future. I know there are still things that I have to let go of as part of my wholeness and feel I have reached a bend in my journey.
My sister has given me a lovely present to help me get through my radiotherapy days. I have an advent string with 15 pockets. In each one is a daily text and small present; Green and Blacks chocolate to date! The text for today was;

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.                          Proverbs 3:5

Trusting is difficult on some days but I keep trying.

My first radiotherapy experience wasn't too bad at all. I was actually taken through early, so no waiting around. A very careful explanation was given about what was going to happen.
I gowned up in a delightful back ventilated hospital robe and went through to meet Darth.
Over the first three days several check X-rays are taken by the machine to ensure that I am perfectly lined up for the area to be treated. Including this and my treatment, it was all over in about 5 minutes after I had been correctly positioned in the mask.
Nothing is felt during the procedure and I felt fine afterwards apart from the grid impression across my face.
It amused me somewhat that when getting my car park ticket validated, the receptionist had to ask if I had had radiotherapy today?? I pointed to my face instead of answering as a joke, but she wasn't amused and repeated the question before validating my ticket!! A sense of humour was somewhat lacking here, in a place where a little more might help at times.

I went from there for a short trip into Norwich and managed to buy a wireless bra as part of my comfort mission. Also purchased the recommended Aqueous cream for bathing and some Johnsons Baby Talc for the deodorant substitute.
Having met a friend for coffee and catch up in the morning, a meeting a work with HR before radiotherapy and a trip to Norwich, I had quite a busy day and was not overly tired.
I discussed my return to work plan in the meeting and pleased to hear that I can use all of my annual leave entitlement which is owing to reduce my weekly hours for a phased return. I hope to return the second week of January after a further meeting in December just before Christmas when I should have abetter idea about how many hours to work initially. This will be guided by Occupational Health, so its sounds like I am going to be well supported for returning to the NHS. I need to work my private work in with this gradually to increase my income again to be able to earn an income to support me completely again.
Feeling stronger each day, this should be achievable and I'm sure I will be itching to return by then.
In the meantime, let the preserve making begin!

Listening to this song this morning before starting my radiotherapy has helped me to remember that God's love and the love of many of my friends and family will never give up on me. That keeps me going.

Beautiful autumn day, walked to church and back for the first time. Lovely service with Holy Communion which helped to prepare myself for the next 3 weeks. Its difficult to let go of all my anxieties and fears about my treatment and the future, but the sunshine and autumn leaves shining through reminded me that God is bigger than all of it.

Sunday roast out and then a walk around the UEA lake with my man helped increase my pedometer reading to 8000 steps today, burn a few calories, strengthen my legs and lift my spirits.

This evening I had a deep soak in the bath for the last time for three weeks as no submerging of area being treated is allowed. Last slather of Champneys moisturising cream afterwards has left my skin feeling soft and gentle. No more deodorant or perfume either, so beware of strange smelling woman around if in the vicinity in the next 3 weeks!
Underwired bras seem to be a no go for lymphatic drainage as well as comfort so its a quick trip to Norwich tomorrow afternoon to buy comfort underwear! I have been reading on the internet about a big link between underwired bras and breast cancer as the lymphatic flow can be obstructed by underwired bras. It could account for a lot of breast cancer diagnoses, therefore something I need to pay attention to with my lymphatic system having been impaired through the lymphoma.
Message for any daughters; do not sleep in underwired bras as this increases the risk further. Going braless appears to be the best option, however not recommended for middle-aged boobs that are already heading south!

No sprouts appearing on head yet but there may be some carrots; seem to have a light aubern colour coming through! I know I was worried about being grey but wasn't expecting ginger! Lets hope its just the light and not the autumnal effects on my hair

Very pleased with myself today for managing a 20 minute walk at a good pace with no stopping around Roundhouse park, down to Colney Lane, up to the UEA periphery and back through the estate! It was a beautiful sunny autumnal day to be out in the fresh air.
All in all 5230 steps today. Not the most I've done in total, but the most in one walk at a pace.
My legs are finally beginning to feel like they belong to me again.
I will try to do this walk every day unless I have a longer Walk for Health planned.I can increase it to walk around the UEA grounds when I am ready for increasing the distance.
I finished my 1000 piece jigsaw  puzzle  of 1970's toys, cleaned and tidied my bedroom and cooked the evening meal too!

I also had a good prayer and chat time with my lovely Curate who helped put the difficult events of this week into perspective. I love having her live just around the corner as my neighbour, for her friendship and words of wisdom.

My dad got the "all clear" from his Orthopaedic Consultant and is now able to drive again, flex his hip fully and resume all normal activity. I am so thankful that he has made such an excellent recovery after his total hip replacement.

My hot flushes seem to be becoming more of a regular occurrence each day, setting my head on fire temporarily, so no second guessing as to what hormonal delights I am about to enter now! At least I'm unlikely to notice any additional tiredness, or it will seem easy compared to the fatigue I have had from the chemotherapy.

 A day of small blessings and progress to be thankful for.

Last treatment today in the Weybourne Clinic, hurray ; This was the best thing about today, as GP appointment for flu jab had to be postponed again as nurse was running late and I had to get to the hospital.
Conveyer belt of drips attached to people, in lines with no privacy watching the drips go through, nurses running from one patient to the next as the room is packed full.
Get there for 10.15am to find I was expected there at 9.30am despite my appointment letter saying 10.15am. Fortunately taken straight through then and hooked up to my LAST treatment of antibodies only.
I am so glad to not have to go to that room again as it now conjures up dread inside me as soon as I walk through the door.
As my car was still in the garage for repairs, I had to rely on lifts from daughter to get me there for morning appointment.l am thankful that she was willing to do this and to my mum for accompanying me on today's hospital visits.
Afternoon appointment for the Radiotherapy check meant catching the bus there and back which after a lunchtime unexpected confrontation with a family member left me once again drained and exhausted even before I got back to the hospital. Sadly the repercussions of non-communication from an ex-husband are once again taking their toll despite my current situation having no different outcome on my efforts.When this involves my children I find it particularly distressing and today added to that distress.
I then faced having to have the radiotherapy mask fitted for final checks involving X-rays for positioning .
Darth Vader left a criss-cross grid of red patterning across my face from the pressure while wearing it, and panda eyes. It did fade after about an hour but is not a pretty site especially on already puffy eyes and a bloated bald head.
When everyone leaves the treatment room for the X-rays to take place it is a truly isolating moment when pinned to the bed by this intrusive mask: Prayer at this time helps  me to know that I am not alone in that room, but resting in God's arms while everyone else deserts.
I am praying that He will protect me during this time from any nasty side-effects from the radiation and use it for healing purposes only to bring me to a place of complete wholeness again.

How quickly the happiness from a lovely break was replaced with the realities of my illness literally" in my face" and the trials of family relationships zap the little energy I have gained from the rest over the last week.
I am so thankful for that time away, for the respite and loving care I received, in preparation for what I hope is the last hurdle of this journey.

Sorry for delay in blog but holidaying without a computer was very restful!
I have had a wonderful break from the harsh effects of chemotherapy and a change of scenery from the walls of my house!
My special man took me to Les Miserables in London for my all time favourite musical and it didnt fail to send shivers down my spine even on my fourth attendance! A truly amazing evening and tea in Chinatown before the show was a breath of fresh air from my "confinement!"
We then headed off the next day to Derbyshire to a beautiful cottage just outside Matlock. The cottage was warm once the heating kicked in despite being old with beams, but sensitively refurbished. It was extremely well equipped too as the owner lives there for some of the time.

No hillwalking, but lots of exploring lovely villages and coffee shops! Bakewell, Matlock, Buxton to name a few with lots of lovely cake to keep us going!
My pedometer allowed me to track my footsteps and I managed to progress to 4500 steps at Chatsworth House yesterday.Previously my maximum was about 1500, so definite progress but still fatigue very easily. The glorious gardens in autumn colours were amazing to see and explored as far as possible. The house was decorated for Christmas in Pantomime style with favourite characters around the rooms, but sadly two floors were closed because of the Christmas theme. There was even a windband playing carols in the courtyard and mulled wine on sale for the real festive feeling (albeit a little early!)
It certainly lifted my spirits anyway.
We also dined in luxury on a Steam train with a magnificent 5-course meal, and several journeys backwards and forwards between Loughborough and Leicester North! No walking energy required here, but some extra walking needed next day to burn off the calories!
All in all a very relaxing and special time, very spoiled.

Returned home today to find the house intact and " reasonably" tidy. Only mishap was a slight scratch to the car from some unfortunate parking in John Lewis Car Park with one very regretful daughter, but insurance should cover damage to both cars affected. Easy mistake but will probably affect her premium on the renewal that was about to happen.
Shame about the empty fridge though!

Tomorrow its back to the hospital for my last antibody treatment before radiotherapy starts next week.
A slow but gradual recovery is occurring but I think awhile yet before my strength returns to anywhere near normal.

No hair growth yet either, but watching for new sprouts anyday!!