So its the end of 2012.
 Little did I know  last New Years Eve, what the year would hold.
Better that I didnt know about most of it as I would have chosen to bypass the year totally.
Had I done that though, I would have missed out on so many blessings. Despite the battle against cancer, I have so much to be thankful for:

• A family around me that love me beyond measure
• Friends that will give up their time to feed me, clean my house, buy me flowers, overwhelm me with their love
• A special man with whom I have learnt to fully love again and have a future with
• A body that is able to recover itself and regain strength
• A roof over my head still that has provided a safe haven for us all to heal in
• Medical Expertise that is able to diagnose and treat illness effectively with 21st Century technology
• A job to return to with caring staff to support me
• Time spent with special people in a way I have never had before
• A hope and a future whatever the outcome 
• Seeing the world in a different perspective, appreciating the little things more
• Time to just "be" rather than "do"

To name just few.

I started writing a poem in the summer which I have completed tonight and it seems the right time to share,

The tapestry of life
Life takes us through many twists and turns
As a river meanders its way through  ,
We dont know what lies around the bend
But countless challenges, effortless joy
Make us into the people we become.

Life is easy when the road is straight ,
The pathway ahead uncluttered and clear;
Unexpected circumstances redirect
Changing the route on which we relied
Offering crossroads or even a deep divide.

The road may become tough, muddy and wild
Exposed to the elements, chilled to the core
Life challenges our being to the very extreme
Stretching and testing to refine us more
To become as the person God made us.

Sometimes circumstances, sometimes fate
Delivers a hand we would choose to avoid.
Yet we might miss the beauty of a rugged ravine
Where hardship lies dangerously close
To an unexpected calm.

Embrace the changes, cling not to the old
If a new road opens up before you.
There are no "U" turns in this life on earth
For we need to move on towards the goal 
Which brings freedom and life to the very soul.

So as we say goodbye to another year
We  wait a while to pause to reflect
Of lessons learned and blessings untold
Days filled with silver, bronze or gold
Form the tapestry, we must never forget.

Welcome 2013 with open arms
Unafraid of the events it may bring.
Live life as if each day were the last
Counting the blessings and leaving the past
To itself, and give thanks for just being.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL WHO HAVE FOLLOWED MY JOURNEY SO FAR...I HOPE WE WILL HAVE MANY MORE DAYS AHEAD TO SHARE TOGETHER!

Hair is growing back; number one all over now!

Although my treatment journey is hopefully complete, I will continue the blog to record my recovery progress as it may be helpful to other people suffering from the same condition.

When I googled "when does your hair grow back after chemotherapy" there was very little information or detail. There was one photo of a lady's head that I could find. I will add a photo of my hair at this stage,
8 weeks after finishing chemotherapy.
Once it broke the surface, it has grown quite rapidly in just a week or so.
My hairdresser has recommended that I have the initial growth shaved off to allow the hair to strengthen but I don't know if I can bring myself to do that after waiting so long to see it appear! It is only about 5mm long, so I wouldn't be losing much but it is very precious now!

It is exactly a week since I finished radiotherapy.
Following a lovely evening out with family on the Friday, I had a hugely emotional day on the Saturday. I was totally exhausted and couldn't stop crying. Whether it was relief, or having had to keep going for 5 months with the programme I don't know. An early night on Saturday helped and Sunday I felt much better.
I managed a 3 mile walk with Walk for Health around Whitlingham Broad on the Monday and felt much less fatigued than the previous walk at the end.

I have spent this week making goodies for Christmas hampers and even ventured out alone on two occasions. My stamina is gradually improving as I am able to do a little more before resting each day.
I also met up with all my work colleagues on Tuesday for our Christmas lunch. I had the salmon option rather than turkey due to eating difficulties, but it was all very enjoyable. We had Secret Santa gifts and a good catch up generally. I'm looking forward to returning in January as Im starting to feel ready to do so.
Fortunately the side-effects of radiotherapy are not nearly as bad as I was warned. Apart from some discomfort last weekend, I have not felt many problems this week and needed little medication. I was warned of a peak around this weekend, but things are definitely improving slowly.

The Christmas tree and decorations went up last Sunday after very careful consideration of choice at Notcutts Garden Centre! Thanks to my man I was able to have a real tree which I enjoy looking at every day, appreciating more than normal as I am at home to enjoy it.

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

My journey is completed!

Today I had my last session of radiotherapy and have even brought Darth home with me as a memento; for a short while any way!
I have no visits to the hospital now until the middle of January for a Radiotherapy Review.
I have been warned that my symptoms may peak in about 10 days time before they start to improve but at least I know that its all working as it should be.

So now its time to celebrate, having come through my journey with no complications and enjoy every day for what it brings. Joyful, joyful, sums up completely how I feel right now.
There will be no more "bad hair" days as just to have hair again will be a blessing.
I will be thankful for each day as my strength improves and I can get back to normal life.
I will never complain about exercising again or wish for a duvet day!

I want to thank all of my friends, family and my fiance(!) for the love  and support they have shown me to help me through. I couldn't have got through this without  all their love and prayers.
Little did I know that my journey through unknown territory would lead to being engaged!
I know that I am loved for who I am inside as the outside has been stripped away and I have been loved even more.

I want to thank God for His protection and strength to help me through each day, knowing that He is with me always and at times carrying me on the most difficult days when I had no strength.
I have known His presence in a way I have not felt before now.

I hope that everything that I have experienced will be able to help others in some way, either through my work or through friendships so that it will not have been time wasted.

But now, I have cracked open the tin of Celebration chocolates and look forward to an evening out with my family to celebrate life!
Hallelujah!

I have hair coming though!! Probably equal to a number one all over, or a six o'clock shadow!
Its taken about 7 weeks since finishing chemo to see the first signs
 It is dark also, so no ginger colour change I think! It will be a while yet before I can go public with it so my wig and me have to remain friends for a while longer yet.

I had my last Radiotherapy Review appointment today and need to start using the Lignocaine Muselage now prior to eating to ease the inflammation. Eating soft food seems to be avoiding major discomfort. I made a batch of parsnip and apple soup today which has become a standard lunch after a porridge or mullerice breakfast. The good news is I can still eat chocolate too, but alcohol is uncomfortable so that Champagne still has to wait; hopefully Christmas will be timely for the full celebration.
Only two more sessions to go then its all over.

A meeting with Occupational Health tomorrow will help to plan the finer details around returning to work. I am going to the Christmas meal with the department next week so it will be good to see everyone again after such a long time off.

The sun has finally come out as I near the end of this journey.

Yesterday I was taken on a surprise trip to Highclere Castle, better known as Downton Abbey! As a Downton fan, I didn't even know that you could visit the place until yesterday. It was a lovely surprise, but not as great a surprise as when my special man proposed to me under the Cedar tree on the bench where all the best conversations seem to take place in the series! He even had the ring ready, which is a beautiful white gold band with three diamonds set in a row. And my answer was yes; this man has proved beyond measure how much he wants to love and cherish me, especially in the middle of dark days.
 I have learn t to love and trust in love again through him and we now look forward to planning a Spring wedding as we want to be together as soon as possible. It may not always be an easy path ahead but I know that with what we have had to face in the last five months, we can work through anything together.

My Downton ring!

The famous bench under the Cedar of Lebanon!

Downton Abbey in all its glory; what a romantic!

Sadly I had to turn these two down!

 The side effects of the radiotherapy are starting to take effect, needing soluble paracetamol before each meal and soft food only and small portions. However, it is all tolerable and my skin seems to be faring well with lashings of Aqueous cream! I have only four sessions left now and that will be the end of my regular hospital trips for treatment and soon I can start living the next chapter of my life as Mrs James!

Over half-way now!

I have had 8 out of 15 radiotherapy sessions. Starting to feel a mild discomfort in my chest which I understand to be down to inflammation, however eating and drinking fine!
I am getting very tired again, especially in the late afternoon and evening, but am able to do much more generally. My walks may not happen as often as I'd hoped as my legs seem to tire very easily still if I am tired overall.

I met with my "favourite" consultant again  today who seemed to have a bit more of an approachable manner today. We discussed how the effects of the radiotherapy continue to work for quite a long time after it finishes. This means that it stops and rapid multiplying of any suspicious cells in the areas having been treated, which reduces the risk of reoccurrence. So although the "tumour" sites may not have gone back to normal size by the end of my radiotherapy, the effects to reduce them will be ongoing. This was completely different to what I understood her to have said last time. I'm still not sure when I will be declared as "in remission" as she thinks it unlikely that I will have a further scan within 3 months of completing radiotherapy because of the longer lasting effects.
Well at least she did not reduce me to tears today and I have a better understanding of the radiotherapy. Obviously the long-term effects will not be evident until a much later stage.
My skin is still looking good, only a very mild pinkness over the area and it does not feel sore at all. It is a relief to get my bra off by late afternoon though!!

Came home to have a routine boiler service this afternoon which revealed problems with my Heat Exchanger that have been caused through Kier making another blunder by leaving the Filling Loop completely open; not really sure what that is, but fortunately I have cover on my boiler policy to have the Heat Exchanger replaced. Sooner or later I would have had water gushing out of the front of the boiler in the kitchen!
The cupboard placed over the boiler did not allow for the front cover to be removed, so had to be dismantled; Phonecall to Kier to report the problem and await repair generated the usual apathy at the Customer Care end, or Customer No Care as they should be called!
I am very grateful to the engineer here still after 2 hours for extending his 20 minute service appointment to repairing the system before it broke down on me!

I would advise anyone think of buying a new home NOT to purchase a Kier home due to the amount of blunders they have made here.
 All that coupled with ongoing issues with the sale of the Thorpe house has led to stress levels starting to increase again, so I have to put my Relaxation Techniques to good use so as not to allow the stressful matters to get to me but to let go of them. A good solicitor always help too, who reluctantly I have had to turn to again otherwise that house will never be sold. I think that 2 years  is more than long enough to have waited for resolution of the "temporary" financial commitment that I had to make, especially now that my working capacity for the immediate future is uncertain.

Finishing on a positive note, I am thankful that I am getting through the Radiotherapy without too much discomfort and I have a warm house still in which to recover!
Thanks be to God for that.

6 out of 15 radiotherapy sessions done and feeling fine at the moment.

Yesterday was my youngest daughter's birthday and she was 17!! I can clearly remember her first Christmas when only one month old she slept in her Moses basket all day behind the settee in my parents house; I had to wake her to feed her in the chaos of presents and a 2 year and 5 year old sister!
I don't have to wake her to feed her anymore but I still have to wake her sometimes!
We had a lovely quiet evening at home with family and Coronation Chicken as requested.

I did my first Walk for Health yesterday, walking around Sloughbottom Park and a part of Marriots Way. It was only 2.5 miles, but an achievement for me and I totaled 7200 steps that day. My legs are very tired at the end of it and  by evening quite achy, but I feel like I'm getting stronger gradually.
As my radiotherapy is booked in the mornings mostly, I cant do another walk until the week after next, but then hope to do two a week.

Today it is raining heavily again so I think it will be a preserve making day. I am now starting to enjoy having some time at home to do things I would not normally have time to do as I recover and return to normal life.